There is an emptiness that comes with returning from Kenya. For 7 weeks I have been stretched. For 7 weeks I have been completely out of my comfort zone. For the past 7 weeks I have had no one to rely on, no one except God. Returning home to friends, family, and everything else I normally draw on for joy, comfort, satisfaction, and life, I have had little to struggle through. Everything is as it was before I left, my struggles are the same, the things that bring me joy are the same, I am asking the same questions I was before I left. Not to my surprise, not even 3 full days after returning home I found myself reverting back to my old ways as well, relying on the things around me to "fill me up". So I guess I shouldn't be surprised when I found myself feeling even emptier then before I left. Even when I sit down and try with all my might, sitting in a Knoxville home eating my mac and cheese just isn't as exciting, challenging, or "God relying" as being back in Kenya. It takes a lot- a whole lot- for me to remember the same God who provided for me so tremendously the past 7 weeks is here to, where I am all to comfortable. Integrating my new understanding of God's character, integrating the new confidence I have in the power of prayer, integrating all the things I have been learning here is, well, quite necessary. I think it will be the only thing that gets me through the next few weeks. Because returning home, I'm not the same person I was 2 months ago. Comfort is no longer satisfying when you have seen the world, and seen the need. A friend on my team wrote this song from Hosea 2, that has really stuck with me...
Adorn Me-Micah Nielsen
There's nothing on earth,
There's nothing in sky or sea
There's nothing to hold
That could comfort me
So what can I do but hear your voice?
What can I say but breath, and rejoice?
Adorn me, I'll be your bride
Allure me to the place where you reside
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